Topics to Avoid When Talking to Foreigners

Why the same question lands differently

A question that's polite small talk in one country can feel nosy, risky or even hurtful somewhere else. With a stranger on video, you also don't know their situation: whether they've lost a job, left their home country, or live somewhere a topic carries real consequences.

That's why the most useful rule isn't a list of banned subjects but a habit: follow, don't lead. If they bring a topic up, you can explore it together. If you're curious first, ask permission: "Can I ask you about that, or would you rather not?"

For a full set of questions that tend to go well, see questions to ask someone from another country.

Politics and current events

In some countries people discuss politics openly with anyone. In others, criticizing those in power can have serious consequences, and a stranger asking about it may make someone uneasy even on a private call. You also can't know whether a political event has affected them personally.

• Avoid: "What do you think of your president?" or offering your opinion of their government.
• Ask instead: "What's changed most where you live in the last few years?" and let them choose how political the answer gets.
• If they raise it: listen more than you talk, and ask about their experience rather than debating policy.

Religion and belief

Religion can be central to someone's identity, a private matter, or something they have complicated feelings about. Questions that challenge or rank beliefs are the riskiest of all.

• Avoid: "Do you actually believe that?" or "Why does your religion...?"
• Ask instead: "What's your favorite time of year there, and why?" Festivals, food and traditions often come up on their own.
• If they raise it: asking what something means to them is fine; comparing religions or arguing isn't.

Money, work and status

Attitudes to money vary a lot. In some places people happily compare what they paid for things; elsewhere, talking prices feels crude. Salary and savings are private nearly everywhere.

• Avoid: "How much do you earn?", "Is your family rich?" or "How much did your phone cost?"
• Ask instead: "What do you do when you're not working?"
• Also skip: comparisons that talk down their country, such as "Everything must be so cheap there."

Family, relationships and age

This is where the line moves most between cultures. In much of South Asia, the Middle East and Africa, asking whether someone is married or has children can be ordinary friendly small talk. In Korea, asking someone's age early is normal, because age shapes how politely people speak. In many Western countries, the same questions from a stranger can feel personal.

• Avoid pushing: "Why aren't you married?", "When are you having children?" or "Are you seeing anyone?"
• Ask instead: "Who taught you to cook?" or "What's a recipe everyone in your family loves?"
• If they ask you: share only as much as you want. "I'd rather not say" is a complete answer.

Appearance, identity and stereotypes

Comments about bodies, skin color, accents or how someone "looks" for their nationality land badly almost everywhere, even when they're meant as compliments. So do jokes built on national stereotypes.

• Avoid: "You don't look [nationality]," "Your accent is so strong," or anything about weight or skin.
• Avoid: "Is it true everyone in your country...?" and jokes about their country's reputation.
• Ask instead: "What's something people often get wrong about where you're from?" It lets them address stereotypes on their own terms.

History, conflict and borders

Wars, disputed borders, colonial history and tensions between neighboring countries can be painful and personal. The person on your screen may have family who lived through events you only know from the news.

• Avoid: asking which side they support in a conflict, or bringing up a rival country to get a reaction.
• Ask instead: "What do you love most about where you grew up?"
• If they mention something hard: "That sounds really difficult. Thank you for telling me" respects them without prying.

Greetings, humor and directness have their own cultural rules too; our guide to video chat etiquette around the world covers them.

If you touch a nerve: how to recover

Signs you've hit a sensitive spot include short answers, a long pause, a forced smile, eyes leaving the screen or a sudden change of subject. When you notice them, back off quickly and lightly:

• "Sorry, that was a personal question. You don't have to answer."
• "I didn't mean to pry. Where I'm from it's a normal thing to ask."
• "Let's talk about something else. What's the food like there?"

If you both want to dig into a hot topic, keep it a conversation rather than a contest; our guide on how to disagree respectfully shows how. For polite English wording of moments like these, see common English phrases for conversations, and if you're chatting in a language you're still learning, simple topics are easier anyway, as our guide to improving your speaking in a new language explains.