Connection & wellbeing
How to Deal With Loneliness: Practical Steps That Help
Start smaller than you think. When people ask how to deal with loneliness, the steps that help most are modest: one brief, friendly contact a day, a weekly routine that puts you around the same people, and one message to someone you've drifted from. Loneliness is a signal that your need for connection isn't being met, not a flaw in you, and it usually eases through many small contacts rather than one big fix.
Below you'll find what loneliness is, a menu of practical steps, a simple plan for this week and honest guidance on when to get more support. If you're in crisis or thinking about harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US (the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or contact your local emergency services now.
What loneliness is, and what it isn't
Loneliness is the gap between the connection you want and the connection you have. You can feel it in a busy office or a long relationship, and you can live alone without feeling it at all. Solitude is chosen; loneliness isn't.
It's also far from rare. In 2023 the US Surgeon General issued an advisory on loneliness and isolation that described social connection as a public health priority, not just a private matter. Common triggers include:
- A move to a new city or country
- A breakup, divorce or bereavement
- A new job, a job loss or a switch to remote work
- Friends getting absorbed in new relationships or family life
- Health problems, disability or caregiving that keep you at home
- Retirement, or any change that removes your daily routine
Loneliness can make other people seem less friendly than they are. If you notice yourself expecting rejection, treat that as a symptom of feeling lonely, not an accurate read of the room.
Coping with loneliness through small daily contact
It's tempting to wait until you can fix loneliness properly, with a new best friend or a full calendar. The research points the other way: small moments count. In studies by psychologists Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn, people reported feeling happier and more connected on days when they had more interactions with acquaintances and casual contacts, not only close friends. In another of their studies, customers who had a brief, genuine exchange with a barista felt better than those who simply got their coffee and left.
That makes daily contact a realistic first step. Pick one or two of these each day:
- Say one extra sentence to a cashier, barista or neighbor
- Send a voice note or a real reply instead of a quick like
- Ask a coworker something that has nothing to do with work
- Walk at a busy time of day and say hello to a familiar face
- Reply in an online community you usually just read
If you want to know why these tiny exchanges matter so much, our summary of the research on talking to strangers and our explainer on the strength of weak ties go deeper.
Build routines that put people around you
Loneliness grows in unstructured time. Recurring commitments make contact automatic, so you don't have to work up the courage from scratch every time.
| Routine | Why it helps | Effort |
|---|---|---|
| A weekly class (cooking, climbing, a language) | The same faces every week, and the activity gives you something to talk about | Medium |
| A regular café, gym or library slot | Familiar faces turn into nods, then names | Low |
| A walking, running or cycling group | Side-by-side conversation feels easier than face-to-face for many people | Medium |
| A volunteering shift | Purpose plus teammates, and helping others tends to lift mood | Medium |
| A community, hobby or faith group, if one fits you | Belonging and regular gatherings are built in | Varies |
| A standing call with a friend or relative | Removes the "should I reach out?" question entirely | Low |
Repetition matters more than intensity. Seeing the same people regularly is how strangers become acquaintances, and how some acquaintances become friends.
Reconnect with people you've drifted from
Old connections are often the quickest route out of loneliness because the trust already exists. Research on reaching out suggests people underestimate how much a quick, unexpected check-in is appreciated, so the message you're hesitating over is probably more welcome than you think.
A few low-pressure ways to restart contact:
- "You popped into my head today because [reason]. How have you been?"
- "I know it's been ages. No need for a long reply, I just wanted to say hi."
- "I'll be near [place] next week. Want to grab a coffee?"
- "I saw this and thought of you," with a link, a photo or a song
If someone doesn't reply, it's usually about their bandwidth, not about you. Try once more in a few weeks, then put your energy into other connections.
Feeling lonely? What to do when your circle is small
Reconnecting only goes so far if your circle is small or you've just moved. New people bring new energy, and there are plenty of ways to meet them: local clubs and classes, online interest communities, language exchanges and random video chat. Our guide to making friends online as an adult compares the options.
Random video chat is honest, light contact: a few minutes of conversation with another adult, often from another country. It isn't therapy, and it doesn't replace people who know you, but a friendly chat can break up a silent evening. If you're looking for someone to talk to online, Omlet pairs you one-to-one with a random adult in your browser: press Start to meet someone, Next to move on and Stop when you're done, with no account needed. A few habits keep it healthy:
- Set a time window, such as 20 minutes, so it stays a lift rather than a way to avoid the evening
- Keep personal details private, as you would with any stranger
- Treat a great conversation as a bonus, not the goal
- If a chat leaves you feeling worse, close the tab and do something kind for yourself
If nerves are what keep you from talking to people, try a gentler route first: practicing conversations step by step, starting with text and your camera off.
How to feel less lonely this week
You don't need to do everything at once. Work through this list over seven days and keep whatever helps.
- Two micro-contacts a day. Small talk, a reply, a wave. Keep it tiny so it's easy to repeat.
- One reconnection. Message one person you've drifted from, using a script above.
- One recurring commitment. Sign up for something that meets weekly, even if you only promise yourself two visits.
- One conversation with someone new. In person, in an online community or on video chat.
- One thing for your body. Daylight, a walk, a regular bedtime. Tiredness makes everything, including loneliness, feel heavier.
- One honest check-in on Sunday. What helped? What felt like effort without payoff? Adjust next week.
If your loneliness started when your job moved home, the fixes in our guide to remote work loneliness are built around the workday.
When loneliness needs more support
Loneliness that lasts for months, or that comes with low mood, hopelessness, changes in sleep or appetite, or losing interest in things you used to enjoy, deserves more than self-help. Loneliness, depression and anxiety often travel together, and a doctor, therapist or counselor can help you untangle them.
- In the US: call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline any time, or chat at 988lifeline.org.
- Elsewhere: contact your local emergency number or a local crisis line.
- Struggling but not in crisis: book an appointment with your doctor and say plainly, "I've been feeling very lonely and it's affecting me."
- Right now: tell one person you trust how you've been feeling. You don't need the perfect words.
People you meet on random chat are strangers, not counselors. If you're struggling, please reach out to someone trained to help.