Connection & wellbeing
Talking to Strangers: What the Research Says, and How to Start
Talking to strangers tends to feel better than people predict. In well-known experiments, commuters asked to chat with someone new had a more pleasant ride than those told to keep to themselves, even though most people expected the opposite. Other studies link brief, friendly contact with acquaintances and strangers to a stronger sense of belonging.
Below is what researchers actually found, without inflating it, why our instincts get it wrong, and a simple two-week plan for putting the findings to work, in person or online.
The commuter experiments: Epley and Schroeder (2014)
Psychologists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder, working at the University of Chicago, studied commuters on trains and buses. Some were asked to start a conversation with a stranger, some to keep to themselves, and others to commute as they normally would.
The people who talked reported a more pleasant journey than the people who sat in solitude. Yet when other commuters were asked to predict how each option would feel, they expected talking to be the less pleasant one. The researchers titled their paper "Mistakenly Seeking Solitude."
Part of the gap came from how people pictured the other side. Participants underestimated how interested a stranger would be in talking with them, so they expected awkwardness or rejection that mostly didn't happen.
The lesson isn't that you should talk to everyone. It's that the fear of a conversation is usually bigger than the conversation.
Weak ties and everyday happiness: Sandstrom and Dunn
Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn studied what sociologists call weak ties: people you know casually, like a neighbor, a regular at the gym or the person who makes your coffee.
- Daily tracking. When participants logged their social interactions over several days, they reported feeling happier and more connected on days when they interacted with more weak ties than usual.
- The coffee shop study. Customers asked to have a genuine, friendly exchange with the barista left in a better mood and with a stronger sense of belonging than customers asked to be as efficient as possible.
Later work led by Sandstrom found that a week of practice talking to strangers made people less worried about how those conversations would go. The fear shrinks with use.
Why acquaintances matter: Granovetter (1973)
Sociologist Mark Granovetter's 1973 paper "The Strength of Weak Ties" argued that acquaintances, not close friends, are often our bridges to new information. Close friends tend to know the same people and hear the same news you do; acquaintances move in other circles.
His later research on job-hunting found that many people heard about their jobs through acquaintances rather than close friends. A new conversation is, among other things, a new bridge. The idea gets a full treatment in the strength of weak ties, explained.
Why we underestimate talking to strangers
- We expect rejection. As the commuter studies showed, people underestimate how willing others are to talk.
- The liking gap. Research by Erica Boothby and colleagues (2018) found that after a first conversation, people tend to underestimate how much the other person liked them.
- We expect depth to be awkward. Studies by Michael Kardas, Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley (2022) found that people expect deeper conversations with strangers to be more awkward than they turn out to be.
- We're out of practice. The less often you do something, the bigger it looms.
So does talking to strangers make you happier? The research doesn't promise that every chat will lift your mood. It shows that, on average, people enjoy these conversations more than they expect, and that predictions, not experiences, are what usually hold us back.
Benefits of talking to strangers, in practical terms
| Benefit | What research suggests | How to get it |
|---|---|---|
| A better mood in the moment | Commuters and coffee customers who chatted felt better (Epley and Schroeder; Sandstrom and Dunn) | Swap one silent routine for a short chat |
| A sense of belonging | More weak-tie interactions went with feeling more connected (Sandstrom and Dunn) | Greet the same people regularly |
| New information and openings | Acquaintances bridge to new circles (Granovetter) | Ask what people do and what they're into |
| Less social fear over time | A week of practice reduced worries about talking to strangers (Sandstrom and colleagues) | Repeat small, low-stakes conversations |
What the research doesn't show: that chatting with strangers treats loneliness, anxiety or depression. It's a small, everyday boost, not a cure.
A two-week practice plan
Pick the in-person column, the online column or a mix. Keep each step small enough that you'll actually do it.
| Days | In person | Online |
|---|---|---|
| 1–3 | Add one sentence after "thanks" to a cashier or barista | Two short video chats: say hello and ask where they're from |
| 4–6 | Comment on something you're both seeing: the weather, a line, an event | Ask one follow-up question in every chat |
| 7–9 | Learn the name of a neighbor or a regular | Stay in one good chat for five minutes |
| 10–12 | Ask someone for a recommendation: food, a book, a walk | Try one deeper question, like "What's something you're looking forward to?" |
| 13–14 | Review your notes and keep what worked | Same |
Keep a prediction log
Before each chat, rate from 1 to 5 how you expect it to go. Afterward, rate how it actually went. If your results look like the research, the second number will often beat the first, and seeing that in your own handwriting is more convincing than any study.
For the online column, you can talk to strangers one-on-one on Omlet with no account; if a chat falls flat, press Next. For openers and ways to keep things going, see how to talk to strangers without overthinking it, and for more graded steps try these comfort zone challenges.
Keeping it safe and kind
- Read the signals. Headphones on, one-word answers or a turned shoulder usually mean not now. Wrap up warmly and move on.
- Keep personal details private until you know someone: full name, address, workplace and social handles.
- Online, use moderated sites with a report button, and leave any chat that turns pushy. The essentials are in how to stay safe on random video chat.
- Leaving is always allowed. You don't owe anyone a long conversation.
If loneliness feels heavy rather than occasional, light conversation is a start, not the whole answer. Omlet is for casual conversation, not support. How to deal with loneliness has more steps, and talking to someone you trust or a professional can help. In the US, you can call or text 988 any time if you're in crisis; elsewhere, contact local emergency services.