Connection & wellbeing
Expat Loneliness: How to Cope When You Live Abroad
Expat loneliness is common, especially in the first months after a move, and it usually eases as you build three things: a few faces you see every week in your new home, enough of the local language to chat, and steady, scheduled contact with people back home. Start small and start now, rather than waiting until you feel settled.
This guide is for adults living abroad for work, study, love or a fresh start, including partners who moved for someone else's job. It's practical advice, not medical advice.
Why living abroad can feel so lonely
Moving abroad strips away a social network you probably didn't notice you had: the coworker you joked with, the neighbor, the café owner who knew your order. Those easy, low-stakes contacts take time to rebuild.
- Every conversation costs more. In a second language, small talk takes energy, so it's tempting to skip it.
- Time zones split your evenings. When you're finally free, the people at home may be asleep.
- Culture shock is real. The anthropologist Kalervo Oberg popularized the term for the disorientation of living in an unfamiliar culture. Early excitement often gives way to frustration before things settle, though not everyone follows the same pattern.
- Partners can be the most isolated. If you moved for someone else's job, you may not have a workplace giving your days structure and people.
- Social media skews the picture. Other expats' feeds rarely show their quiet Sunday evenings.
Homesick abroad, or lonely here?
Homesickness and loneliness overlap, but they call for different fixes. It helps to ask which one you're actually feeling.
| What you feel | What's going on | What tends to help |
|---|---|---|
| Missing specific people, food, places or routines | Homesickness | Scheduled calls, home rituals like cooking a family recipe, a planned visit |
| Nobody to grab a coffee with here | Loneliness in your new place | Recurring local activities, language practice, saying yes to invitations |
| Both, plus feeling stuck between two places | Very common early on | Protect a little time for each, and be patient with yourself |
| Low mood most days for weeks, losing interest in things | Possibly more than loneliness | Talk to a doctor or therapist (see the last section) |
How to make friends as an expat
Friendships usually grow from repeated, easy contact rather than one great conversation. So choose activities that put you in the same room as the same people, week after week.
- Recurring groups: sports clubs, running groups, choirs, classes, board-game nights, volunteering.
- Work or campus: say yes to lunch invitations, and suggest one yourself.
- Expat communities: great for the first months and for advice from people who've been through it. Add at least one activity with locals too.
- Your neighborhood: become a regular at one café, bakery or market stall.
Light contacts count. The barista who remembers you and the neighbor you chat with in the hallway won't replace close friends, but research on the strength of weak ties suggests these small connections make daily life feel warmer and more connected.
Lines that make it easier
- "I'm new here. What's one place locals love that visitors usually miss?"
- "We keep ending up at the same class. Want to grab a coffee after next week's?"
- "I'm learning the language. Would you mind if I practiced a few sentences on you?"
- "A few of us are trying the new place on Friday. Want to come along?"
Use the local language as a bridge
Even a little of the local language changes how a place feels. Shopkeepers warm up, neighbors become people, and you stop feeling like a permanent visitor.
- Learn the phrases you use every day first: greetings, ordering, thank you, and "Could you say that more slowly?"
- Tell people you're learning. Many will slow down, help out, or switch languages if you get stuck.
- Try a language exchange: half the time in their language, half in yours.
- Expect to sound clumsy for a while. That's part of the deal, not a sign you're failing.
Our language exchange tips cover how to set up and run a practice conversation with someone new.
Keep home close without living on two clocks
Staying connected to home protects you, but spending every evening on home time can keep you from settling where you are. Aim for regular, predictable contact rather than constant contact.
- Book a fixed weekly call with family or a close friend, at a time that works in both places.
- Send voice notes or short videos you can each answer when it suits you.
- Share small things: a photo of your street, a meal, a local oddity. It keeps people part of your new life.
- Plan your next visit so there's always something to look forward to.
Do the time-zone math once and write it down. If you live in Dubai and your family is in Manila, they're four hours ahead, so your 6 p.m. is their 10 p.m. If you've moved to Germany and home is New York, Germany is usually six hours ahead, though the gap shifts for a few weeks a year because daylight saving time starts and ends on different dates.
Talk to people from home, or practice locally, with the country filter
A casual video chat can take the edge off a quiet evening. Omlet matches you with random adults Worldwide by default, and its country filter lets you pick one country instead. For expats that's useful in two ways:
- Hear voices from home. Pick your home country to chat with people connecting from there, about the food you miss, your hometown team or what's changed since you left.
- Practice where you live now. If you've moved to Germany, filtering for it lets you practice German and ask locals the questions you feel silly asking your neighbors. Living in Dubai or Abu Dhabi? Our United Arab Emirates page has greetings and tips for chatting with people there.
The honest terms: your first day with the filter is free, then it's $3 one time for that device and browser, with no subscription. The free day starts with a card, and the $3 is charged once when it ends unless you cancel in Settings. It doesn't carry over to other devices or browsers, and it's lost if you clear that browser's data. A match has to fit both people's settings, and it can be slower when fewer people from that country are online, so evenings in their time zone work best. Full details are on our video chat by country page.
Omlet detects your country automatically, so your flag shows where you're connecting from. As an expat that's your new country, which makes a handy opener: "I'm actually from Brazil. I just live here now."
Keep it in proportion. These are one-off chats with strangers, with no friends list, so they're a nice extra rather than a substitute for local routines.
Stretch a little each week
Loneliness can make you more cautious, which makes meeting people harder, which deepens the loneliness. Small, planned challenges break that loop:
- Order at a café entirely in the local language.
- Ask a neighbor for a recommendation.
- Go to one event alone and talk to two people.
- Invite a coworker or classmate to lunch.
Our list of comfort zone challenges grades ideas like these from easy to brave, with a simple way to track your progress.
When loneliness needs more than a plan
Loneliness is a feeling, not a diagnosis, but it can slide into something heavier. Talk to a professional if for several weeks you've had low mood most days, lost interest in things you used to enjoy, had trouble sleeping or eating, or started leaning on alcohol to get through the evenings.
- Ask your employer or university whether they offer an employee assistance program or a counseling service.
- Look for therapists who work in English or your first language; online therapy can help bridge the gap.
- A local doctor or clinic can point you to services nearby.
If you're thinking about harming yourself, contact local emergency services right away. If you're in the US, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.